Reflections on my daughter turning one…
This may be a blog post that not too many people care about, and I’m not sure where I’m going to go with it, but my blog is just as much for me to process my own thoughts and feelings, as it is for educating and inspiring others, so I’m going to write it anyway - and if it speaks to at least one other mama about to cross that threshold into toddlerhood, then I’m glad :)
My daughter turned one at the beginning of this month and GOSH… I was NOT prepared for the rollercoaster of emotions that came with that. Everyone tells you first birthdays are emotional, but until you’ve lived through it, you cannot possibly understand the depths of those emotions - at least I couldn’t. Surprisingly, the day of her birthday and of her small party, I was totally fine and immersed in the happy moments of celebrating, but it was the night before she turned one that I was an emotional wreck. Anyone else?! There was just something about these thoughts that sent my postpartum mama heart into another dimension on that night…
- “this night last year was the last night before our lives changed forever”
- “this is the last time I’m nursing my baby before she’s a toddler” (I know the singular day of their birthday doesn’t automatically make them a toddler and no longer a baby at all, but I wasn’t trying to rationalize with myself!)
- “this day marks 365 days of the hardest, most rewarding, most joyful year of my life”
etc.etc.etc.
Every time I had one of those thoughts I started crying - not because I was sad that she was turning one, but because I was grieving, in a way, everything we got through in her first year; and because I truly could not imagine how an entire year went by so dang quickly…
One of the main things that having children has taught me is that time is SO fleeting. Yes, you realize that “time flies when you’re having fun” before you have children, but you don’t really understand just how fast it flies by until you watch a tiny human grow from a helpless squishy blob at birth, to a walking/crawling babbling opinionated almost-toddler just 365 days later. So much happens with their development in such a short period of time, and even though I was present to witness almost every single second of every day, I STILL think it went by too fast. Babies don’t keep, and that is one of life’s greatest blessings and sorrows…
So, here’s my little reminder for the mamas sitting in a puddle of their tears the night before their babies turn one: celebrate everything your child just accomplished in their first year on earth, but also CELEBRATE YOU! One year ago (if you’re a first time mom), you had no idea what you were doing, you had no idea how you could love a tiny human so much, you had no idea how you were going to make being a SAHM or a working mom work, you had no idea how to breastfeed them or feed them solids, you had no idea how to navigate your relationship with your spouse now, you had no idea what level of joy was in store for you… but you did it, you’re still doing it, and you will continue to do it for the rest of your life. Postpartum isn’t 6 weeks, it’s not one year, it’s for life, and you are forever changed. Celebrate your baby’s birthday, but celebrate your BIRTH day too xoxo. Also, if you have a friend who is about to celebrate their baby’s first birthday, please don’t forget to tell them how proud you are of the transformation they’ve been through entering motherhood - I know I felt when I had friends make my daughter’s birthday about me too :)
That’s it! Short and sweet for this month’s post, but I did also want to provide you with some developmentally appropriate one year birthday gifts in case that would be helpful for you. A few things I’d recommend to anyone shopping for a one year old: balance bike, rocking horse, toddler helper tower, and as always, books (especially the poke-a-dot books!) Like I always say, babies [and toddlers] don’t NEED much. They learn best from things naturally occurring in their environment/nature, and from YOU, so don’t feel overwhelmed by trying to get them all the “best” toys.
